I’ve recently undergone a rather deep dive into the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual frailty of my own life. Later this morning I’ll undergo another barium swallow in an attempt to find out why things still don’t seem to be functioning as they should. You can read about it here.
While lying in the hospital bed, wondering what was happening and whether I’d survive the ordeal, I was struck with the thought, "This will not result in a journey of recovery, rather this will set in motion a total reset."
When I hear the word recovery, I picture my grandmother taking an old piece of furniture and skillfully tacking some new floral fabric onto the frame. It appears, almost magically, as if she has transformed the chair into something brand new, when in fact, she’s simply recovered something old and made it look fresh, newer, better than before.
The word reset conjures in my mind a dinner table that’s been thoughtfully set. Imagine expecting a family dinner of four, only to find out an hour before dinner that actually a dozen guests will soon be arriving. What do you do? You reset the table, right? The entire evening now requires a complete adjustment of chairs and table settings. A total reset is called for, not a mere recovery.
I’ve known for some time that I’ve been in a protracted and existential transition related to my season of life. The process has seemed more ambiguous than defined. It’s as if I would become aware of this transition, consider it from time to time, and then just put it on the shelf to look at sometime in the future. This recent health episode has brought the reality of this life transition front and center. But the context has been present for over two years.
When I wrote my book, Wisdom for Old Souls, I was already working through some of the questions related to this transition. There was an Epilogue that I decided not to include in the book. A few days ago, I thought of it, re-read it, and it prompted, once again, some important questions for this leg of my journey.
I know that I have a lot more reflection to do related to my recent health crisis, and I hope to share some of my thoughts with you. But for the sake of context, here is the unpublished piece I wrote that is helping me frame what just might be happening in me at this season of my life.
Wisdom for Old Souls available in our Resource Section